normal puberty, and ends when an adult identity and behaviour are accepted. This period of development corresponds roughly to the period between the ages of 10 and 19 years.
Because of the changes we experience even in our mind during adolescence, we tend to make a lot of bad choices. Choices that in the end, put us in a very awkward situation. Some of us to date, are living with the results of those choices and a lot of "Only Ifs".
I set out to the streets and interviewed random adults to find out what bad choices they had made when they were young and if they found ways to recover from that. What I noticed was that, what they have in common are the regret. "I wish I didn't do that." "I wish I did things differently." and every other comment you'd imagine.
I am not any different, I experienced that exact same fall, I still live with the regrets, but slowly getting my life back on track and it's working. Here's how it all started.
I was 16 and in grade 11. People found that very intriguing because I was very small in stature; was the youngest boy in class and one of the sharpest mind in school. I had a group of about 15-19 friends. When were walking the streets, our presence was felt because of the number and because we were extremely loud.
Some of the boys were younger and in lower grades, some of them were older and in lower grades, 4 of them in my class. I was always different, I would do a lot of things that made me stand out from the crowd. Growing up in a time where doing what was in style, in my case, being bhujwa, meant that you get all the respect and the girls. And so as you'd imagine, we did what we could to win.
I started wearing in a style I never did. I always had a watch on my wrist, and another on my belt. How stupid was that? I would always wear a black leather jacket to school, and on hot days, wear my shirt with the collar left standing and my hair messy. It got me in a lot of trouble with my English teacher but that never made me stop.
Luckily, I never started drinking or smoking until the day we wrote our final paper in Grade 12. The Grade 12 year was the worst, we started bunking classes and for the whole year, I didn't have an English exercise book just because. When my class attended winter classes I didn't, just because. I failed maths, and because I was too busy doing God-knows-what, I didn't have time to apply to University and so I went to college instead.
During my first year, I started drinking and going out a lot. And being the new guy at a new place meant I get to date (and sleep with) that girl and that one and that one. I even decided to test drive weed. I didn't get hooked though, but I was a big troublemaker in class. I eventually dropped out on my 3rd year. Following year I got my girlfriend pregnant.
It was the same year I started being a DJ and going out every weekend. I had started smoking by then, I still had my 15-19 friends who hung out at my house everyday after school or all day during weekends and holidays. My mom didn't like that one bit, simply because it was the same reason my house got broken into 5 times and I got stabbed twice. I hated her for always shouting at me, not knowing that she was trying to help.
The house parties we would throw, man oh man. We would party til the neighbours call the cops, and resume our activity immediately after they leave. Other people found that really impressive, and we got the respect.
Then one day, after some women came to my house to fetch their daughter, who had slept over at my house for a week, an older guy from down the street came to me. He asked: "How many things have you lost since you ever known your friends?" "Everything." I answered. "And how much have you gained ever since?" He asked again. I kept quiet for some time and then answered, "Nothing."
"So you see young man," he started. "you can't live your life trying to impress people, you have to do what makes you happy, follow what you love and you will see your life turn around. I admire you because you remind me a lot about me, you hustle for everything you have and you have a lot of potential." "From now on, I will be your new friend, your only friend, and I will help you turn your life around." he said
And from that day, I started turning my life around, I ditched my 15-19 friends and went back to school. I then did a lot of voluntary work in my community, and that really changed my outlook in life. It made realize how stupid it was living for other people. You can do something bad and get them impressed but that's just about it, how much have you really gained?
We sometimes think we are in too deep and that there is no way out. But you were made for greatness, don't live for today, but think about your future. Think about the people who call you their daughter or son, think of those who will one day call you or already calling you mom or dad. If someone decides to throw you a life line and you see that you need help, grab it with both hands and don't you let go. It's that simple, but first you have got to tell yourself that you have got a problem and you need help. The world needs you(th).
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